Ibuprofen

After four hours of defensive tactics training today I'm gonna need it.

Dreams.... nearly nightmares

No one told me about the dreams. They come and go, but they are getting more and more bizarre.

It started when I dreamt I arrived at work only to find I had forgotten my gun. Then I had a dream where I was in a foot pursuit with some gang bangers and they started shooting. I wasn't hit, and tried shooting back from three or four feet away, but couldn't hit the broad side of a barn.

Next I stopped a U-haul truck and as I made contact with the driver the truck started shrinking. Then there was the dream where on a "routine" traffic stop my driver was upside down suspended by his seatbelt. He and the passenger released their seatbelts and attempted to physically attack me. I tried pulling my taser, but can't get it out of the holster.

Finally last night my entire dream was radio traffic. I was talking to random people, family, friends, and the dog as if we were all on the radio. I even talked to the friendly 7-11 clerk as if she were a dispatcher.

Me: "Car 40".... wait for reply from friendly 7-11 clerk.... "I'll be 10-17 to the soda fountain"

Friendly 7-11 clerk: "Car 40 at 21:15. Will you be code 4?"

Me:"I should be code 4 thank you"

Friendly 7-11 clerk: "Copy"

Me: "Car 40 arrived. I'll be 10-6 working on a Super Big Gulp"

Friendly 7-11 clerk: "Car 40 at 21:16"

I never used to dream about work, but I also never got excited to go back to work while still on my weekends. I love this job I just hope the dreams start involving a little less shooting and maybe a little more of the friendly 7-11 clerk.

Potheads make my job easy

Brent left a comment on my last post saying "they make our job soooo easy". That statement is even more true when applied to potheads.

So far in my short time on the road I've made two small marijuana busts. Both were made incredibly easy by the actions of the bustees. The first came in the middle of July when I was still on FTO. My FTO and I were on a backroad on the outside of town. It was dark, and traffic was very light. I see a car approaching and it is missing a headlight. Well I'm bored since nothing is happening on the graveyard shift. I decided to stop the one-light car thinking I'll just give the driver a "fix-it" ticket.

I make a nice U-turn and get behind my target. I also notice it is missing a taillight and the license plate is improperly displayed. All valid reasons to stop the car. I let dispatch know I was going 10-60 and give my location, description of the vehicle, and the fact that it is occupied six times. My dispatcher freaks out a little bit and requests backup for me (I would have anyway, but never got a chance) I then switch on my overheads and spot light. As soon as I do this I see the three passengers in the back seat start moving around and bending over. "I need to get into this car" I think to myself, as my FTO asks if I saw that.

I approach the car and realize all occupants are juveniles. I get the driver's license and registration, and notice he is only sixteen years old. Better yet he has only had his license for three months, and in my state a new driver may not have passengers in the vehicle until he or she has had a driver's license for at least six months. This means everyone is coming out of the car and parents will be called.... at this point I notice something on the floorboard between the driver's feet. "Hmmm what can this be" I think as I shine my flashlight on the object. Sure enough it's a multicolored glass pipe. I now don't need to worry about the new driver I have my probable cause.

Out of the vehicle comes everyone. Two more deputies arrive, and with big grins on our faces we begin searching the car. I find a container with a "green leafy substance" in the ashtray and another pipe under the driver's seat. One of the other deputies finds another container with a "green leafy substance" under the passenger's seat.

None of the six people in the car seem to know where all this weed and the two pipes came from. No one would own up to bringing the pot. It must have been beamed aboard the car by Scotty from Star Trek because no one knows where it came from. Sooooo.... everyone was cited. Parents were called and juvenile court dates were set.

My second bust came two weeks ago. Early on my shift (I'm on afternoons now) I was dispatched on a suspicious persons call. The complainant has an open field behind her house and saw four people out there and heard screaming. I arrive and find four young adults sitting on lawn chairs under some trees. I can only think of one reason they'd be out there around 4:20pm, but I don't see any paraphernalia.

"What are we all doing out here?" I ask.

"Oh, nothing. Just enjoying the nice day."

B.S. Enjoying a nice green leafy substance is more like it. No one has written permission from the property owner to be there so I herd them all out of the field, and back to their car where I begin running names. Well one of them has a warrant. Not big enough for the jail to accept with the booking restrictions, but he doesn't know that. I tell him of his warrant and ask if he has anything on him I should know about. He says no, and I can't find anything. I ask to search the car. "Sure go ahead". Nothing in the car.... Damnit! I know these guys are smoking dope. Knowing potheads I know they'll be back. I make a big deal about telling Mr. Warrant that I'm cutting him a break by not taking him to jail, and that if I see any of them back out here I'm citing them all for trespassing. I cut them loose.

Several hours later, after dark, I return to the same field, and find a car parked back off the road. Three males are loitering near it. I tell dispatch I'll be out with three 10-47 males, and go to make contact. Well guess who one of them happens to be.... That's right, Mr. Warrant. I look at him and say "you again. Didn't I tell you not to come back?"

"Well I thought...."

"No, you weren't thinking."

And that is when I caught a wiff of burnt marijuana. I ask the other two nitwits what they are all doing out in a field at night. I get the standard response of "we were just hanging out".

"So if I look in your car I'm not going to find anything illegal?"

"No, go ahead and take a look," says one nitwit as he goes and opens the driver's side door for me. These guys didn't even make it a challenge. The weed was sitting in a plastic bag between the door and the driver's seat. I didn't even have to look for it. I pulled it out and let them know they were going to cut the crap and start telling the truth. Nitwit number one says it's his and produces another bag of pot from the ashtray, and a pipe from one of his pockets. He then opens the trunk where there is half a twelve pack of Corona, and shows me his pain pills. He has a prescription for the pills and it over 21 so he can have the beer. No appears to have been drinking so it's a citation for possession of marijuana and paraphernalia, a criminal trespassing charge for Mr. Warrant, and I get to book evidence!

Rehab worked for me!

Last night I went to back another deputy on a drug activity call. It seems some young folks were sitting in a car on a street in a nice middle class neighborhood smoking something out of aluminum foil.

We arrive on scene and find the car moved into a driveway and a female behind the wheel. Her friends had ducked into the house. We get the friends and homeowner outside. Mr. Homeowner, who's pupils are dilated, eyes are glassy, face is twitching, and who has an inability to stand still, tells us there is no way anyone was doing drugs. Being inquisitive we ask why that is. He states, in a manner that suggests he's very proud of himself "because we are all going to a rehab reunion. We all went to rehab together and there is a reunion at the rehab center".

Mr. Homeowner's buddy who is sluggish and flying higher than a kite confirms the story. I inquire about the physical symptoms Mr. Homeowner is displaying, and the lying begins. "When I found out the cops were her I got scared and nervous. That's why my eyes look like they do". Next it was "I'm having withdrawals. Withdrawals make your pupils do the same thing as when you're high"..... and a bunch of other B.S.

Finally we let this guy know that he has nice little warrant for assault, and hook him up. The tears start flowing. "What will my neighbors think? I go to church with these people. My family will find out.... waaaaa".

"Well sir, your neighbors are the reason we are here. Apparently they already know what is going on and don't want it to continue. Perhaps you should have thought of that before now".

After having a nice little chat he finally decides to fess up and tells us they were smoking heroin and popping pills. Apparently these knuckleheads were really going to a rehab reunion and decided to celebrate by what esle? Getting high of course, and instead of the rehab center they got to celebrate in jail!

Tased

Well this blog hadn't exactly gone as planned. The academy was just a tad more time consuming than I had originally anticipated, so as you can see there hasn't been a post since before I actually started the academy. That's rather embarrassing for me. Anyway, I am reviving this blog, and plan to start posting on a regular basis.

I'm going to revive this blog with a little story from the academy (For those who don't know I graduated the academy back in May. I finished my FTO training at the end of July, and am finally out on my own!). My class consisted of a total of 24 cadets only one of which was female. At some point in April or May, it was all a blur, we went to the firearms range for two weeks of intensive training. This training included Taser certification. Well as part of the Taser class we had the "option" of being tased. The plan, for most of us, going into this torture session was to have the prongs taped to us and only take a half second jolt. Unfortunately each class has a couple muscle bound meatheads with too much testosterone coursing through their veins. My class was no different.

Meat head number one steps up to volunteer to be tased first. Not only to be tased first, but to take the full five second ride. Not just to take the full five second ride, but to also be shot with the prongs.

"No big deal" I think. This was to be expected from Mr. Meathead. There are still 23 others who are going to take the "easy" way out.

Next up is Mr. Meathead's buddy Mr. Meathead number two. He steps up to show he's not going to let number one be the only one to take the prongs and the full five seconds. These two knuckleheads have had some type of competition only they can understand, going on all academy long. They then somehow talk a third cadet into the five second torture.

After cadet number three takes the prongs and the full five seconds a little peer pressure starts building. "No big deal. I'm not going to be suckered into this game" I say to myself. There's still 21 others who have said they were only taking a half second..... WRONG!! Another cadet falls to peer pressure, and then the worst thing ever happened. The only female in the class stepped up and took the five second torture. Well it went downhill from there. We couldn't let the only female show the rest of us up. The entire class ended up taking the barbs and the full five seconds of full body cramp caused by the Taser. Grown men screamed like little girls, and the laughter of those who had gone before filled the room. It was the torture before the torture.

Finally my turn came. It was the worst pain EVER. There were flashes of red light before my eyes... I kept wishing for a black tunnel with a white light at the end. No such luck. It was only five seconds, but it seemed like an eternity. My arms spasmed. They ended up looking like those little arms on a Tyrannosaurus Rex. I collapsed to the floor disheveled, tired, and eager to get out on the road and find some dirtbag worthy of breaking in the Taser I would soon be issued!